Because that would be better than the morning I had. Picture it now...enter dream sequence...que the wavy lines and bloop bloop bloop sound effects...

It's 5:45 am. I am sleeping. I am not a morning person. I get up at the. last. possible. moment. I don't enjoy having coffee whilst reading the newspaper, and I sure as hell don't get up for an early morning jog. So there I am, comfortably slumbering when I hear the most annoying, high pitched, WHINE coming from the dog...who is in the kitchen...stuffing her whining nose in the crack of the doorway to our bedroom. Apparently she wants in to sleep on the bed. Wonder who started allowing THAT bad habit while I was in California last month? Any guesses?

I begrudgingly got up to let the stinking ass whiner in the bed.

I snuggled back under the covers, noticed that it was now 5:55, and said a small thank you to God for the hour more sleep I'd get before it was time to get up for the day. To what do my wondering ears do I hear? Nora rustling around in her bed...potentially moments away from waking up. Most likely she heard the damn dog whining, too.

Know who didn't hear the dog? The man that allows the dog to sleep in our bed in the first place. The man who was oblivious to the rustling around of the child. The man who was now snoring in my face. Very loudly.

Fan-Freaking-Tastic.

Now the dog is sprawled out in our bed...pushing me so far to the side that one butt cheek is hanging off. Nora is rustling around on the baby monitor. And my ears are being assaulted by the snores of a thousand snores. Oh yeah, and the cat's in the kitchen bitching because she wants fed...since we're all awake for the day and all.

I forcefully grabbed my blanket and pillow to head to the couch. That did nothing to wake the dog or the husband. I stalked out of the room with one last goodbye to the dog...the one that started it all. It went something like this...

Dog. I'm gonna rip off your head and take a shit down your neck.

Did I mention I'm not a morning person? Yeah. I thought so.