The email I just received from my husband, who is at work right now:

"I just took a poop that would make a landfill rat throw up. HOE-LEE SHIT was it nasty. The hallway smells horrible and I even used the spray (which goes against all of my manly instincts). I wish I could have done this at home so you could have enjoyed it too. Oh well. Maybe next time."

I love you, too, Dear.