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Courtney: We should go sledding tomorrow. My Mom would babysit Nora! It'd be so fun!
Moment or two of silence
Larry: How's your cooter?
C: hesitant Fiiiiiine...why?
L: Well I didn't know how it was doing. You know, if it'd be okay to be bouncing down a hill on a sled...
C: Oooohhh...I wondered why you asked...I thought maybe it was 'Ask About Courtney's Vagina' Day...
L: Everyday should be 'Ask About Courtney's Vagina' Day...
Dear Nora,
I'm not sure how many of these updates will start with, "Wow! We made it another week!"...but at some points during the week it seems questionable as to whether we'll survive the next hour, let alone the next week. At the beginning of this week things were going kinda crappy...what with the crying all the time and all. It seemed like you had a belly ache every night. I scoped out a book I have that's written by a bunch of doctors...I checked the colic information and found a few suggestions. The number one thing to try was eliminating dairy and caffeine from my diet. It said that half of colicky babies can't tolerate the dairy and/or caffeine in the mother's breast milk. I tried that for a few days and noticed a world of difference in your temperament. Your Daddy and I totally felt like rock stars when we had you in bed the next few nights by 10:30. Last night you had a belly ache again...way to bring us back down to Earth!
You've been out and about a lot more this week...partially because you sleep so well in your carseat...and partially because we have s.h.i.t. to do, child. Since you've been feeling better it's been easier to take you places...we haven't ventured out to a quiet, sit-down restaurant yet...we're thinking of trying that when you're ten.
I get a weekly email update on how my child should be progressing and stuff. It says that babies don't actually cry tears until they're older...that at this point you don't have real tears because your tear ducts aren't developed at birth. Know what I think? That's bull crap. What exactly are real tears? You cry and cry and cry, and liquid comes out of your eyes. Perhaps you shouldn't be crying? We don't want to overwork your underdeveloped tear ducts, do we?! Try and work on that less crying plan and we'll see what happens, okay?
The biggest and most coolest thing that happened this week is that you started smiling when people talk to you...not just when you're filling your diaper. We weren't sure at first, but quickly confirmed that you were having real smiles. Your Daddy talks to you and you get the biggest grin on your face. Of course I talk to you and you get a big grimace on your face. It's so amazingly fantastic to see you smile and make giggling noises. We just love seeing you grow and change. Sometimes it's hard to believe it's been four weeks already, and other times it seems like you've been with us forever. Don't forget...less fake tears...more real smiles!
Love,
Mommy
I have found something that Nora excels at. I know, she's barely four weeks old...I'm sure you're wondering what on Earth a tiny baby can be so excellent at...so fantastic, in fact that I'd venture to say she's the best baby on the planet at this one thing she does so well. What is her special skill, you ask?! Why, pooping while she has her diaper off, of course. Not only does she poopie while her diaper is off...she gets distance. I'm sure you read the WalMart poop episode, right? The very next day Larry was changing Nora's diaper in our bedroom. She was laying on our bed...on a waterproof changing pad, thankfully. This situation was much like the previous times (at least four thus far) that she's pooped while diaper-less...except that she shot the poop so far that it got on the edge of her Pack 'N Play. Please understand that this is easily three feet from where her butt was. Not only did she shoot poop onto the Pack 'N Play...but she shot poop all over Larry, too. The worst part is that it's so surprising when she does it. She doesn't grunt. Her face doesn't get red. She's simply laying there, content as can be. The next thing you know there's poop everywhere and you're standing there with your jaw on the floor like, "Um...excuse me? Where exactly did this fecal matter come from?!" Once Larry recovered from his immediate shock he handed the situation off to me to finish diapering Nora so he could scrub himself with Lava soap and a Brillo pad. I think that if "Sneak Attack Projectile Pooping While Diaper-less" was an Olympic sport, I'd be grooming the USA's next gold medalist.
I have photographic evidence that Nora likes her Daddy more than she likes me. It's simple, really, see how non-pissed off she looks with Larry? Now look at the photos with me...see how she looks at me?! I get a sideways glance where it almost looks like she's rolling her eyes. Check out the first photo of the two of us...that's an evil look...directed right at me. I like how she has one hand up next to her head...makes her look bored and pissed off. She'll smile someday, right?! Unfortunately I fear that all of her smiling photos will be when Daddy's holding her...
Today I thought I was going to pee my pants for the second time in the last month. For the record, the first time this month I peed my pants was the day after Nora was born. Those catheters can sure mess up your ability to judge how soon you need to head to the bathroom, let me tell ya. Back to today. Today I was laughing so hard that I was pretty sure I'd need a clean pair of pants. The trip really started out innocent enough...but it quickly headed South...and then even more South...
Mom, Larry, Nora, and I went to Walmart. Larry went in to get the few things we needed. Nora, in her daily attempt at forcing me to nurse her in public, was hungry. I nursed her in the car. Up until now, you notice, things are fine. Larry finished up shopping and Nora finished up eating shortly after he returned to the car. Handing her to him to be burped I noticed that her diaper was hanging off of her butt...like two inches of baby bootie crack was hanging out...so Larry checked to see if she was wet and decided we'd just change her instead of readjusting the current diaper. Still no problem.
Mom handed me the diaper accoutrements...including the plastic covered changing pad...which we put under Nora...who was now laying on my lap so Larry could change her. He easily removed her dirty diaper. The problems began when we didn't get the new diaper on soon enough. I think things went awry because Larry said, "Just don't poop on me, little girl". In baby-translation this must mean, "Poop away you nasty poop machine"...because that's precisely what Nora did. We're talking runny breastmilk poopie...on a changing pad that's not on a stable surface. Nice, huh?
Imagine the picture if you can: I'm holding Nora straight up and down trying to keep her shirt out of the poopie, although her feet are dipped in the poopie because she's so dang long...Larry's trying to wipe her off...the three adults in the car are laughing their heads off...the poopie is running all over the changing pad. What happens next, you ask? We run out of wipes, of course. Never fear though...we have restaurant napkins in the glove box. One problem with the napkins is that they are dry. Mommy to the rescue...I handed Nora off to Larry and spit on the napkins. Maybe not the best thing in the world, but I had a poopie-footed child on my hands. Desperate times call for using spat-on napkins as baby wipes.
Don't worry...the story gets better. I'm holding Nora...who, for the most part, is poop-free...but not yet diapered. Larry said, "Well as long as she doesn't pee..." Nora took this to be a request...and she promptly peed everywhere. By now I've got tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. I think this was a situation where you laugh so you don't cry. We managed to keep ourselves pee and poop free...we only had minor pee spillage into the cup holder. Finally we got Nora re-diapered and re-dressed. Amazingly enough she didn't cry throughout this whole ordeal. I figured it'd be prime scream time...what with her butt hanging out and the two of us man handling her and all. Larry disposed of the evidence while Mom got Nora back in her carseat.
Dear Nora,
This week has been a gazillion times better than the last two weeks...in fact it's almost like you're a normal baby now. These days you get up, eat, get changed, and lo and behold...you go back to sleep...usually within a half hour. It's fan-flippin'-tastic! Your Daddy and I get normal amounts of sleep now...which to two adults with a newborn means we get 3-4 hours of sleep at a time. I find that if you sleep longer than 4 hours straight I wake up wondering what's wrong with you, because there's just no way you
would sleep for 5 or 6 hours without something being wrong. But then I poke you, see that you're still breathing, and go back to sleep. Of course when you sleep for 5 or more hours straight I wake up with the world's most engorged and leaky boobs...which is not exactly pleasant...but it's also not exactly something I'm going to complain too much about because these days sleep is much more important than...well everything. Waking up with breast milk splotches all over my t-shirt just means we've had an extremely successful night of sleeping...that makes Mommy very happy!
I still think you like your Daddy more than me...but perhaps I'm starting to grow on you. Just so you know, he's planning on making you wait until you're 30 to date boys...I could be persuaded to take your side and allow you to date sooner...if you play your cards right and start to like me, too. The only thing you seem to enjoy that I do for you is feed you. You look like a little carp with your mouth hanging open and bobbing your head all around trying to latch on to my nipple. I'm mildly ashamed to admit that I find this hilarious and call you My Little Carp whenever it's feeding time. But, really, it is hilarious. You still like it much better when Daddy changes your diaper and changes your clothes than when I do it...but some days, sweetie, you don't have a choice but to have me do it...and on those days, you cry.
We've been taking you out of the house more this week. This is partially because I get bored staying home all day and partially because we're trying to get you sick. Your Daddy says this is to strengthen your immune system. Really we're not trying to get you sick...in fact I find that I don't like it when people breathe on you and these days I can hear another child cough or sneeze from a mile away...and I feel the need to cover you up so their germs can't get you. I wanted to buy you one of those bio-hazard suits but I'm not sure I'd get it under the straps of your carseat. I'm sure you'll get sick one of these days...I am just not looking forward to it...it breaks my heart when you're sad and not feeling well.
Love,
Mommy
A few nights ago Nora had her first bath...we tried this hoping that it'd help calm her during her witching hours of 8 pm to midnight...we also busted out the bath because she was starting to get some stink on her. She wasn't overly impressed with the bath...in fact I'd say she pretty much despised it...but at least she smelled better when we were finished. One thing I learned quickly is that a wet baby is super slippery...and a wet, flailing baby is twice as difficult to hang on to. We did the bath quickly, but did manage to get a few photos.
Awww...my little cutie's first bath picture ever...this is the photo she'll be thrilled is on the internet...for all of her future friends to see...
Now we're really getting the full-on "you're a bitch" scream...she gives me this scream when I'm changing her diaper, changing her clothes, bathing her, trying to get her to go to sleep, oh yeah...and when I'm breathing in her general direction...she doesn't like that either.
A little post bath snuggle with Daddy in her Pooh bath blanket. Doesn't she look so much happier? If she could talk I think she'd be saying, "Dad, did you see what the hell she was doing to me in the other room? She had my clothes off and she was getting me all wet and cold...stupid bitch..."
Finally, another shrill encounter with Nora's lungs. I just had to get a good shot of this bath blankie though...I did pay $5.50 plus shipping for it on eBay...
Dear Nora,
We survived another week, little one. This week went slightly better...and when I say slightly I mean a tiny tiny bit. You and I have got the nursing thing down pretty well by now, and I am amazed that it's become so much easier so quickly. Last week I would've guessed it would be years before we had this down, and this week I've nursed you at grandma's house and at the doctor's office...both of which were not the ideal situations but we managed just fine. While we're talking about that, I have a question for you. Do you enjoy getting hungry in public? Seriously, I'm working on the whole boob-out-in-public thing and you've decided to just force me to jump right in. How can I resist feeding you while you're crying? I can't. In fact, I'm pretty surprised at myself. Both public boob appearances didn't bother me much...I didn't even hesitate to whip up my shirt...before I could even think about it.
I am learning so much from you. I've learned that I can, in fact, breastfeed you in public. I've learned a small amount of patience...but that's one I'm still working on...and you seem to enjoy being my teacher for daily patience lessons. This whole patience thing reminds me of an episode we had earlier this week. You had been crying for well over an hour...screaming inconsolably...wanting to nurse but then not actually eating...after a little bit, I figured I'd check your diaper. You were wet...not a big deal. The big deal comes in when you pooped on me. We're talking you shot poop out of your butt...all over my hands...runny poopie on my hands. To say the least, this was rather frustrating. Immediately after this incident, before I could even get you cleaned up, your Daddy came home. Thank the Good Lord for him. He came in the bedroom...saw me with poop on my hands...saw you screaming your head off...and heard me say the worst thing ever. I looked at him, and very matter-of-factly said, "I don't even like her anymore." Let me just explain that I love you more than anything. But as I explained to your Daddy, a person can love someone...whilst not liking them very much at the current moment. At any rate, I didn't mean that I don't like you...it was something said in the heat of a very frustrating moment. One day you'll have a child that screams for hours that will then poop on you...and for a very fleeting moment you may say that you don't like that child...but I promise, it won't be the truth.
You've started pooping again because you haven't had anything but breast milk since the belly situation last week. This is good news. The not so good news is that you had diarrhea for two days this week. We called the pediatrician (for the 8th time since you were born), and they wanted to see you to make sure you weren't dehydrated. Turns out you weren't dehydrated...in fact you had gained two ounces since we had been there the week before. The doctor said you probably had some sort of viral infection that was giving you diarrhea. Lovely. Apparently it's something that has to run it's course. One of the only things that has seemed to comfort you the last few days is nursing...only you're not eating...you are using me as a pacifier. Your Daddy went and bought you a new pacifier because we thought you didn't like the one we had. Nope. You didn't like the new one either. That's okay, though. I've figured out how to trick you. I get you latched on...and when you're nice and sleepy I unlatch you...and put in the pacifier. It's worked so far which is great because I am starting to get war-torn nipples from constant nursing.
One last thing I feel the need to address...I need to apologize for poking you. There are times you're sleeping that your Daddy and I feel the need to poke you to make sure you're still breathing. You scrunch up your face like you're pissed...and continue sleeping. You have to understand that you are so peaceful and still when you're sleeping that we just need to do that sometimes. I think this is another thing you'll understand when you have children of your own.
Love,
Mommy
Where oh where has the time gone? My little baby girl is growing up so quickly. Last night she lost her belly button...her extra nasty piece of cord that was over her belly button, that is. Next thing you know she's going to want me to allow her to wear shorts with "sassy" on the butt...oh yeah, and she'll probably want a Bratz doll, too.
Upon releasing me from the hospital the doctor gave me the following instructions:
"Nothing vaginally for 6 weeks. No douche, no tampons, no intercourse."
You know what, Doc? I had 25 minutes worth of stitching. I don't even want to look down there...let alone put something down there.
Nora had to go see the doctor for her pooping problem yesterday. This is a quick picture of her all bundled up and ready to go. Of course we got to the doctor's office and she took the poopie of the century...I guess we scared it all out of her...
Seeing Larry with Nora is just too fun! Yesterday she wouldn't quit crying so he put on a puppet show for her with her teddy bear that lives in the corner of her Pack 'N Play...the teddy had the cutest little teddy bear voice...the dialog went something like this:
"Hey Nora. I'm the Swear Bear. Now I know bears aren't supposed to swear. But could you quit the damn crying? I mean s.h.i.t. This is ridiculous. If you don't quit the crying, I'm going to climb up there in the middle of the night and bite off your nose. Yeah. I'm not playing around. I'll really bite it off. Yeah, it's going to hurt. Then I'll bite off your ear, and maybe take a chunk out of your thigh. So knock it off, would ya?"
1) Given the choice between food, a shower, and sleep...you'll take the sleep everytime.
2) It's 9:30pm and the last time you brushed your teeth was yesterday morning.
3) You go three days without a shower...and couldn't care less.
4) The baby pees on the bed while you're changing her...and you just put down a towel instead of changing the sheets...so you can go back to sleep sooner.
5) Your husband says "you were starting to look a little mangy"...and you smile...because you knew you were looking mangy...but you didn't care.
6) It's a victory when you have a shower before 4pm.
7) You spend three days just wishing that another person would poop so that they'll be easier to live with.
8) The socks you're wearing are the same pair you put on two days ago...when you last had a shower.
9) You live on cereal for every meal...because it's the quickest thing to prepare...which means more sleep!
10) You can sleep while the TV is at full volume and every light in the room is on.
Dear Baby Nora,
Today you are one week old, and to say that this week has been trying, frustrating, and daunting does not do it justice. You didn't latch on to nurse very well so we had to supplement with formula at first. This caused you the bellyache of the century that is still raging today. You haven't slept or pooped hardly at all for two days. Your Daddy and I are exhausted, little one. I've figured out that the only way you'll sleep when your belly is hurting is to lay propped against my chest. This means we've spent more time in Grandpa's easy chair the last two nights than in our own beds. Last night I tried to talk you into sleeping in your own bed by pointing out that you can't sleep with me in the chair forever...scarily enough, I'm not sure you'd mind at this point. The doctor we talked to on Sunday morning said we could give you a suppository...Grandma got the honors for that one...keep that in mind when you read this and you're 17 years old...your Grandma put stuff up your butt...and strangely enough, you didn't seem to mind much.
You haven't had formula since yesterday morning so we're hoping this incessant screaming is over soon. You and I are finally getting the nursing thing down on the left side, but you want nothing to do with my right boob. What's up with that? I keep telling you they have the same stuff inside but you don't seem to believe me. I think now it's more of a mental block for both of us, and since we seem to be equally stubborn, I fear it may be a long rough road for a few days.
There have been fantastic moments the last week, too...my favorite of which is watching your Daddy with you. You have him wrapped around all ten of your little fingers already. He does this cute thing where he holds your feet and makes your chubby little legs move so fast like you're running...you love that so much that you almost smile. When you do manage a smile you show off the most beautiful dimples...those dimples came straight from your Daddy. You also seem to like it better when he changes your clothes and diapers than when I do. I think it might be because he's faster than I am...that or because he uses that special voice that he only uses with you. It's the most beautiful thing in the world to see the two of you together.
Love,
Mommy
We have had a whirlwind of a couple days with Nora that included 2 phone calls to the pediatrician, an early morning trip to Walmart, a mid-day flying trip to Rite Aid, an evening spent sleeping in the easy chair, and another trip to Rite Aid. The gist of the situation is that nursing wasn't going so well so we had to supplement formula. It turns out Nora can't take the iron in the formula. After switching to low iron formula, getting anti-colic bottles, and finally a part of a suppository, things are going much better. Now that her belly isn't hurting, she's nursing just fine and things are looking up. Today I feel like more of a normal person instead of a walking zombie, so that's a plus! In fact, it's not even 5:30 pm yet and I've already showered and dressed...which after the last two days is a huge accomplishment! So now that Nora is napping I have a chance to update you with the birth details.
I was scheduled to go in on Tuesday morning to be induced at 7am. In a strange twist of fate, however, I woke up at 5:30 with contractions...not close enough to time, but finally something was going on down there! Here's the rest of the timeline:
7:05: Arrive at the hospital
7:40: Cervical check says I'm 3-4cm
7:45: The doctor breaks my water...which was not as gross as I thought it would be...kinda felt like I was peeing warm bath water. Larry was surprised it didn't stink. I was surprised the doctor did it in his suit and tie...for some reason I thought it was going to shoot out...good thing it doesn't!
9:05: The epidural doctor shows up...a man who every laboring woman is happy to see. At this point my contractions weren't horribly awful, but because the doctor is in surgeries all day, the nurses recommended I get the hook up while he was available in case he was busy later and couldn't get there when I wanted it. I heeded their advice. The procedure for the epidural wasn't bad at all. I wasn't quite sure how it would go because I'm not a huge fan of needles, but I could hardly feel it. It was also lucky for me that my contractions were far enough apart that he got it in while I was between contractions so I didn't have to sit still during a contraction.
9:20: Epidural done and my family is allowed back in the room.
9:40: Another check and I'm 6cm.
11:00: Cervical check and I'm 7cm, so the nurses bumped up the pitocin.
2:15pm: Still at 7cm and I'm 100% effaced. Another uppage of the pitocin. Bridgett, my nurse, says she feels the baby's head and she has hair. I find the idea that she's touching the baby's head while it's still inside me to be slightly disturbing. By now I'm starving and hoping to be done soon so I can eat.
3:00: Doctor Cruz comes back to give me more epidural medicine because it's wearing off and I'm having to breathe through contractions that aren't exactly pleasant. We find out the reason I'm feeling the contractions so much is that the baby is face up...back labor...not something anyone should ever have. I start hoping she turns soon.
3:40: Cervical check shows 8-9cm.
4:55: Cervical check shows 9cm and the nurses inform me the doctor will be in in 20 minutes. They start setting up tables full of instruments and who knows what else...at this point I'm hoping to be done soon because I'm starving.
5:20: The pushing begins...it's assisted by the vacuum because she didn't turn.
5:40: The head is out.
5:47: Nora makes her big debut...not the least bit cottage cheesy, either.
While the nurses did their thing measuring, weighing, and what not, I had 25 minutes of stitching. Yes. Twenty-five minutes of stitching because of third degree tears. That was the most unpleasant part of the whole thing.
Our little bundle finally arrived! The important details are:
January 2, 2007
5:47 pm
9 pounds 2.6 ounces
22 inches long
And the much anticipated revealing of her name....
Nora Joy Long
I will follow up with more details, including the labor and delivery story, when I can. Right now we're working on learning to nurse...and I'm still trying to find time to budget in a shower. Hopefully in the next few days I can get a few more minutes to post.
The hospital just called about my induction. Did they call to make sure I knew what time to come in? No. Did they call to tell me to come in early? No. Did they call to ask me to pick up some Big Macs on the way for the nurses? No. They called to tell me that they're busy. Too busy for me to come in tonight. In fact, they'd love it if I call in the morning at 6...and hopefully they'll be available to have me come in at 7am. So here I am...still...